PEOPLE POWER; INFLUENCE IN HUMAN RELATIONS (PART ONE)
One of the keys to success is skill in relating with people. There is no person who will not at one time or the other have to deal with people. If you are in business, a housewife, architect or engineer, you must interact with people. Dale Carnegie said, if you are an engineer, fifteen percent (15%) of your financial success is based on professional knowledge and eighty-five percent (85%) is based on the ability to express ideas, assume leadership and arouse enthusiasm among the people. It is so important to take time to learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment.
To emphasize the importance of people power, let us hear from John D. Rockefeller. In the heyday of his activity, John D. Rockefeller, one of the most successful Americans in history said:
“the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.”
This post will give you “people nuggets” on how to make people like you and win others to your way of thinking.
PEOPLE NUGGET 1
IF POSSIBLE, NEVER CRITICIZE BUT GIVE HONEST (AND VERY SINCERE) APPRECIATION:
Let me just state a caveat early on in this section that I am not here talking about flattery. I am talking about sincere appreciation. Appreciation means that you are concentrating on the person’s good points and not just giving insincere praise. Every one has good points which can be easily admired if we look deeply enough. Flattery is bad. Appreciation is good. Flattery is insincere, appreciation is sincere. Flattery is shallow and selfish, appreciation is not. Flattery is from the teeth out, appreciation is from the heart out. Flattery is universally condemned, appreciation is universally admired. Flattery is cheap praise and counterfeit. Like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if passed to someone else.
With this important background in mind, you ought to appreciate more rather than criticize more. If you want to get along well with people, kindness and words of appreciation and encouragement must not be alien to your lips. If you must criticize at all, talk about your mistakes before criticizing the other person. When you criticize, you attack an item that is so precious to the other and that is other person’s ego. Naturally, that could bring negativity. Everybody, including you wears an invincible chain that has the tag, “Please make me feel valued and important.”
“The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.”
-Dr. Dewey, American philosopher. Sigmund Freud, the famous AUSTRIAN psychologist calls this, “The desire to be great.” American psychologist, William James, calls this, “The craving to be appreciated.” When you satisfy this desire in others (by among other things, avoiding criticisms) you put yourself at an advantage.
Try as much as possible to respect that. History is replete with examples of people who expressed this desire for importance. I will list but a few. General Ibrahim Badamosi Babaginda of Nigeria sought to use the civilian title of president even though he was a military leader. George Washington wanted to be called, “His Mightiness, the president of United States.” Columbus pleaded for the title of “Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India.” Victor Hugo admired to have the city of Paris named after him. Literary Giant, William Shakespeare, tried to add luster to his name by procuring a coat of arms for his family.
Criticism directly affects this feeling of importance. Sometimes, the people you criticize are just what you would be under certain circumstances. It is just better to avoid the rancor that comes with criticisms.
“When we are dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions; creations bristling with prejudices.”
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Page 33.
“Judge not that ye be not judged.”
Jesus Christ
“Gossip is like eating cheap candy, do you want junk like that in your stomach?”
-King Solomon
Dale Carnegie has well said:
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance and arouses resentment.”
“As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.”
Hans Selye
John Wanamaker, founder of John Wanamaker stores probably went a bit harsh yet I hope you could sift out his underlying message. He said:
“I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble of my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute the gift of intelligence evenly.”
Rather than criticize, appreciate instead and reward for good behaviour. People learn more from positive appreciation than negative condemnation. The person you are going to condemn will prefer to justify him or herself rather than accept your condemnation. In extreme cases, the other may condemn you in return. B.F. Skinner, a popular psychologist proved through a plethora of experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn more rapidly and more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour.
One of the keys to success is skill in relating with people. There is no person who will not at one time or the other have to deal with people. If you are in business, a housewife, architect or engineer, you must interact with people. Dale Carnegie said, if you are an engineer, fifteen percent (15%) of your financial success is based on professional knowledge and eighty-five percent (85%) is based on the ability to express ideas, assume leadership and arouse enthusiasm among the people. It is so important to take time to learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment.
To emphasize the importance of people power, let us hear from John D. Rockefeller. In the heyday of his activity, John D. Rockefeller, one of the most successful Americans in history said:
“the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.”
This post will give you “people nuggets” on how to make people like you and win others to your way of thinking.
PEOPLE NUGGET 1
IF POSSIBLE, NEVER CRITICIZE BUT GIVE HONEST (AND VERY SINCERE) APPRECIATION:
Let me just state a caveat early on in this section that I am not here talking about flattery. I am talking about sincere appreciation. Appreciation means that you are concentrating on the person’s good points and not just giving insincere praise. Every one has good points which can be easily admired if we look deeply enough. Flattery is bad. Appreciation is good. Flattery is insincere, appreciation is sincere. Flattery is shallow and selfish, appreciation is not. Flattery is from the teeth out, appreciation is from the heart out. Flattery is universally condemned, appreciation is universally admired. Flattery is cheap praise and counterfeit. Like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if passed to someone else.
With this important background in mind, you ought to appreciate more rather than criticize more. If you want to get along well with people, kindness and words of appreciation and encouragement must not be alien to your lips. If you must criticize at all, talk about your mistakes before criticizing the other person. When you criticize, you attack an item that is so precious to the other and that is other person’s ego. Naturally, that could bring negativity. Everybody, including you wears an invincible chain that has the tag, “Please make me feel valued and important.”
“The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.”
-Dr. Dewey, American philosopher. Sigmund Freud, the famous AUSTRIAN psychologist calls this, “The desire to be great.” American psychologist, William James, calls this, “The craving to be appreciated.” When you satisfy this desire in others (by among other things, avoiding criticisms) you put yourself at an advantage.
Try as much as possible to respect that. History is replete with examples of people who expressed this desire for importance. I will list but a few. General Ibrahim Badamosi Babaginda of Nigeria sought to use the civilian title of president even though he was a military leader. George Washington wanted to be called, “His Mightiness, the president of United States.” Columbus pleaded for the title of “Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India.” Victor Hugo admired to have the city of Paris named after him. Literary Giant, William Shakespeare, tried to add luster to his name by procuring a coat of arms for his family.
Criticism directly affects this feeling of importance. Sometimes, the people you criticize are just what you would be under certain circumstances. It is just better to avoid the rancor that comes with criticisms.
“When we are dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions; creations bristling with prejudices.”
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Page 33.
“Judge not that ye be not judged.”
Jesus Christ
“Gossip is like eating cheap candy, do you want junk like that in your stomach?”
-King Solomon
Dale Carnegie has well said:
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance and arouses resentment.”
“As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.”
Hans Selye
John Wanamaker, founder of John Wanamaker stores probably went a bit harsh yet I hope you could sift out his underlying message. He said:
“I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble of my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute the gift of intelligence evenly.”
Rather than criticize, appreciate instead and reward for good behaviour. People learn more from positive appreciation than negative condemnation. The person you are going to condemn will prefer to justify him or herself rather than accept your condemnation. In extreme cases, the other may condemn you in return. B.F. Skinner, a popular psychologist proved through a plethora of experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn more rapidly and more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour.
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